R.I.P. Grammy...We love you!

I haven't posted in a couple of days... On Tuesday, I got off work and got out to the barn around 2:30. Grammy, our resident senior citizen, was laying down. I thought she was just being an old retired fart sunning herself, and she got up when I drove by and meandered off in the pasture.
Nobody was at the barn yet, and the new girl Alissa was supposed to come out, so I decided to sit down and wait for her so we could ride together.
I sat down with my tea in the chair at the front of the barn. I could see the part of the pasture Grammy and a couple of others were in. She grazed a few minutes and then she just came to stand by the fence, not grazing, just standing.
After a few minutes, she started to spin. Sometimes on the forehand, sometimes she was actually executing a decent walk pirouette. I though, well, the poor old girl is just stiff and having a hard time laying back down. After 2 or 3 minutes of this, it was getting more frantic and I texted Casey to see if she wanted me to bring her inside. No sooner had I finished sending my text, Grammy goes FLYING sideways. A very unbalanced sidepass. She spun a couple of times here and there, bumped into the fence trying to get through the gate that leads into the dry lot connected to the grass.
I jumped up and ran out to get her. When I got to the gate, she was spinning towards the end of the lot still, but she saw me and sidepassed over frantically. I grabbed a halter and ran in, but I quickly became aware that she had lost control of her legs and after she nearly knocked me down, I had to get out before she knocked me down. Her erratic movement had spooked the three ponies that were turned out with her, and they actually began attacking her.
I'm not sure if they were really trying to hurt her, more than likely they thought she was trying to theaten them, but eventually one knocked her down. I ran in and chased them off, and walked over to her. She got up as soon as I approached. She stood still, so I put the halter on and lead her out...she seemed to have regained control.
I was able to get her out of the gate, and when we were almost to the doorway in the middle of the barn, she started to lose control again. She bumped and stumbled through the narrow passage and I somehow was able to get her in a stall. Not the most ideal place, but there was no way I could get her to the roundpen - she would have crashed all through the barn aisle and could have potentially fell on me. She was extremely hot and breathing heavy, so I grabbed the hose and started hosing her. She was able to stand still a minute or two, then she'd spin again. I eventually just stood at the door hosing her to avoid a potential squishing.
At this point, every single horse in the barn was turned just staring in our direction. The horses outside were FREAKING. Eventually she collapsed, and I let her lie. She tried to get up every time I got near her, and it was better for her to be still and not thrash around in the stall. In a few minutes, which seemed like hours, the vet and a couple of boarders arrived. By this time her breathing had returned to normal. Dr. Smith was able to get her up and we got her into the roundpen outside. She ate a little soaked grain and drank some water. Dr. Smith advised that we hose her again in about 30 minutes, keep her in the roundpen, and call her if anything changed.
She was filthy from laying in the soaking wet stall I hosed her in, so we gave her a little bath. She was seemingly fine.
I put her back in the roundpen and it was then I noticed her skin wasn't looking quite right on her neck. I did a pinch test and she was VERY dehydrated. We encouraged her to drink more, but she wasn't really interested. She munched on hay for a couple of hours and seemed to be doing fine, moving normal again.
Then, about 5, she started to spin again. She eventually went down again for a few minutes. Then got up, ate and drank again, and had another spell very close to the last. When she fell that time, she really fell hard.
We decided to let her be in the roundpen for the night, because euthanizing her that night would mean she would potentially have to sit for some time until someone could come dig a hole, or remove her body.
She survived the night, apparently well, because the next morning she was nickering her very distinctive neighs for her breakfast at the gate. As the heat got greater, she started to have spinning and falls again I was told. They euthanized her early that afternoon, and she was buried a couple of hours later. We planted some little pink flowers on her grave today.
We're all still pretty sad about her death. She did live a long life - she was 30. She didn't always have an easy life, and she was starved before she came to our barn. That's somewhat comforting. Her retirement with us was a good one. She was actually healthy and sound enough to be ridden a couple of years ago.
We will miss the Gram! :( I had a picture I was going to post, but this computer refuses to let me for whatever reason.
I let Melissa ride Amber yesterday, and Amber was okay. She did a lot of bracing, speeding around and running through her. She cantered off a couple of times. She wasn't being bad persay, just trotting around like "I DEFY THEE, STRANGE RIDER!"
It was similar to what she did with Victoria, and everyone else who has tried to ride her. I got on a few minutes and worked her very collected and on the bit for the first time in a long time. Today, I was working her on a loose rein as usual, but she decided she wanted to speed around and ignore my seat, so I collected her a few minutes, and then when she decided to half-heartedly listen to that, I did transitions and made her back when she did those rather unresponsively. A few times of that, and she gave me some really nice trotting.
Waiting for the vet to give us a call and let us know when the chiro can do her at the clinic. Can't wait...it's disgustingly boring and Amber is literally dragging me at jumps, even ground poles. She's displeased and bored with her walk-trot lifestyle.

Only Amber...

I thought I was going to miss Dr. Wheeler, because in my brilliance I forgot I had to work until 2. Fortunately, she was still there. I hurried to get Amber. She decided that she didn't want to be captured today.

Amber goes through her moods. Some day she's happy to be caught, some days she pins her ears and speeds away from you. I usually rip her a new one when she does that, and she flails and acts like a moron and then comes quietly. This only happens when she is on stall board. She will come to you when she's on 24/7, and I hate it for her, but that just can't happen. There's no dry lots for her to be on for 12 hours.

She's usually not THAT hard to catch even when she does run. She usually sees me coming to retrieve her, pins her ears and walks/trots away like she doesn't see me. I'll say "STAND" and she knows I mean it, so she stops somewhere and waits. Today, she started to walk off, and it was seemingly her usual "hard" to catch. Then she proceeded to canter rather quickly away. Then Victoria's horse Dylan canters after her. Thanks for offering to help Dyl, but it's probably just going to hinder me.

That stirred her up a bit, and then I tried to corner her up. Usually if I can use my body to pin her in somewhere, she will give in. No. She gallops away and kicks out at me. OH HELL NO!

I eventually had to go get grain to catch her, and even then she was wise to it and almost didn't stand. Man...I let her know something.

By then she had gotten the majority of the horses in her pasture galloping, bucking, farting, generally acting foolish.

I hurried her into the barn and she was, as always good for the vet, other than being lazy and rather disinterested in cooperating with the trotting out part of her check up. She isn't dragging as heavily and she has more flexibility in her hocks, Dr. Wheeler said.

We are to continue doing light walk/trot. She recommended keeping her on the same diet and turnout she currently has. As I suspected, she too thought that gaining weight would be worse than stalling her 12 hours.

I'll be getting a call about our appointment with the chiro and for her stifles. I have a good feeling about this, so let's cross our fingers!

Remember Bob, from Halcyon? He did a drive by today...kind of weird. It was very obvious that he specifically wanted to drive by, since he circled back to the other road. Haha.

I started pulling her mane. Cheater pulling looks great on every horse I do...but her. She has a mohawk every time.

She has probably never had it done. I tried and gave up a long time ago just because I didn't want to deal with it. Well, today she just had to get over it...

She was a WITCH at first. I thought a couple of flakes of hay would keep her busy enough. Nope. She swung around and turned her butt. OH HELL NO. Yet again today. This occurred a few more times, resulting in the same firm whack on her hiney. Finally, she stood for me to do one piece. I praised her and got the halter to save me from further pains. Should have had it all along, but perhaps I was being wishful.

She stood a lot better. She tried to slip away a couple more times, but ultimately didn't spaz and wasn't too hard to keep still. I gave lots of pats and cookies for her standing so nicely - at least compared to the other attempts we've made. I don't think she was threatening me by turning her butt. She's a smart mare and she was careful to keep me from getting on the right side (thus having access to her mane). All she was doing was trying to avoid me. Still disrespectful, but not aggressive. We did about 2/3 of it. Looks better. I'd rather have a pulled mohawk than a cheater pulled mohawk...maybe it will grow out and be normal.

Despite it all, she's in a better mood lately. She's a mare, she's opinionated - it's just part of her being one! And I love mares. They're smart, they're sneaky, and they will let you know exactly how they feel about everything. But that's exactly why she's so quick to learn new things, under saddle and on the ground.

I felt bad for her though during our ride today. We stood in the middle for a few minutes at first while one of the kids jumped a pony around. I didn't think about it, but when we jump we always stand in the middle between the diagonal jumps and wait for the others to finish their rounds. She thought we were going to jump...she was not amused when I steered her away from the jumps.

Trail Fail

Tried to ride in the arena. SUPER windy, big dust cloud in my face. Faithful Ambermare plodded into it like a champ. I didn't do that long, and rode back to the back pasture a minute instead. I tried to ride around as far as I could where the grass wasn't so tall and thick, but we didn't get far.

The Princess was NOT pleased. I have never before had a horse who balked at going BACK to the barn. She was seriously wanting to stay out longer. She took me on a detour around by another pasture of her own accord.

Still draggy, mostly the left hind. But not quite as bad. Still, we aren't finished though. So it's to be expected. Dr. Wheeler is coming out Thursday afternoon to give a pony hock injections, so I'll be sure to be out to have her watch Amber and hopefully schedule an appointment to finish her treatments. Not sure though, we're trying to coordinate with the chiropractor to adjust her at the clinic the same day she gets her stifle injections.

I'm truly hoping that her joint problems are the result of compensating for her pelvis being out. That would mean that if we keep her pelvis correct and balanced, she shouldn't have to compensate and thus her joints shouldn't experience that trauma again. I'm of course worried that it's her joints that caused her to throw her pelvis out.

But isn't it funny? It's back to what I said almost at the beginning: It starts high up. My suspicion was spot-on, but I can't fault myself for not taking action sooner because I did the best I knew working with the vets and 'professionals' I had available to me at the time.

Kind of considering trying the other farrier that comes out to the barn though. Her white line is still separating, and quite frankly I'm pretty positive it's the pressure on the hoof wall from the flare they're leaving on her. It's puzzling because they are pretty much the most highly reputed farriers in the area. But the white line separation is NOT cool...they told me to thrushbuster it. I have, and it's still doing it, which tells me, this is mechanical, and that makes sense. Seems like they leave more on her hinds than on the fronts?

Just a wait and see. But fortunately, it's not horrid flare, so the other farrier can probably take it right off the first trim and I should be able to see if the changes are positive within the first trim. I'm learning more and more about feet with time, I think. Always looking to further educate myself.

Upcoming treatments, and the future.

Amber's appointment for her second round of treatments is still pending. I am actually calling the vet in a few minutes to discuss things.

You can only hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

It's unlikely that she will turn into a pasture puff. But it's still possible she will have to retire from jumping. It's hard to say just yet.

I have decided that if she can't return to jumping, I will trail ride her exclusively. I looked into some prices, the value of my close contact alone would cover my ALL the tack I'd need for comfy trail riding. And then some. So tack swapping wouldn't be a huge deal.

Thing is, Amber is bored by flatwork for the most part. I could show her on the flat, but the time, effort, and expense would just not be worth it if she doesn't want to do it. The two things I am certain my horse is really interested by are trails and jumping.

So if she can return to jumping and the vet says we can compete lightly without issue or risk, we will do that. If it's risky, if it will call for a lot of work to keep her sound enough, or if she just can't at all...trails for us.

She keeps trying to drag me around the back pasture, but the grass around it is so tall I'm worried about snakes. And there is a lovely wet ditch around half of it, so it's a great place for them. I found a quiet neighborhood down the road I plan on riding her around, so that may be a good alternative for some out-of-the-arena riding for now. Hoping our buddies Melissa and Rufus will be able to go with us. Trail riding is so much more fun with friends. Melissa is still recovering from a bad fall though. She very nearly broke her arm, thanks to her project 4 y/o TB who tripped and fell on her.

Ultimately, if she becomes exclusively a trail horse, I will end up moving her closer to home. My dad has been looking at trailers. Ideally, I would like to find a good trail riding buddy that would go with me to different places that also wants to just do mostly walk/trot, a little cantering and generally just pleasure riding and taking in the scenery.

I'd really like to move her to my friend's barn down the road if all this happens. It's less than 5 minutes from my house and she just built a really nice little barn.

But who knows right now?

One thing I'm definitely going to ask the vet about is what she recommends for Amber's diet and turnout. Amber is stalled right now simply because she becomes a whale when she's out 24/7. Too much weight is no good for her joints, but a horse with joint issues would benefit from being out all the time.

I just wanted to update though. Not much has been going on to blog about. We've been walk/trotting lightly, and Amber is offended and annoyed with these workouts. But it's for her own good.

Injections, injections, injections.

Today was the big day.

The morning barn-feeder freakin' screwed us Monday. She was "sick". And there was NOBODY else to feed, so to add insult to injury, it was I who had to help Casey feed up for her because Casey had her 1 1/2 year old with her. Super duper. So sick she couldn't feed, but one of the girls at the barn apparently saw her driving around that morning. Why thank you, for making me cancel my appointment because you are SO sick that you can drive around but not feed. Thanks.

But it was probably for the better, because the farrier came, and I had no idea he was coming, so Amber would have missed her trim.

She NEARLY screwed us again today. We left 30 mins late because she showed up late and couldn't finish before she had to work - so we had to throw hay, water and pull blankets. I have more great things from her today, but I digress from that momentarily.

Amber was looking bright in her purple and green sheet and shipping boots. She hopped on the trailer and we were off.

We got to the clinic about 30 mins late, but the vet was stuck in traffic so it actually became perfect timing. Still annoyed with the barn help, despite her bloopers actually helping me - while everything happens for a reason and they WERE helpful screw ups, it could have turned out badly and it's just rude.

Amber hopped off the trailer, and true to Amber form, after a nearly 2 hour trailer ride, was happy to go pee in a stall while we waited for the vet to see us, and stare casually out the window.

The vet did a thorough lameness exam. We didn't have X-rays, but I fully trust this vet's opinion for various reasons that I may dip into later. She found something though that we had not considered - or at least, nobody else would entertain that I mentioned long ago. Her pelvis is out of alignment. It's sooo far out of whack. The vet had me feel where her spine goes, and you follow it down and it goes way out to the side over her pelvis.

The vet said it's hard to tell if the pelvis is a result of compensation for hocks/stifles, or if the hocks/stifles are the result of compensation for the pelvis. Either way, it all must be fixed. She recommended a chiro to us and tried to get ahold of her to swing in while we were there, but she couldn't reach her.

So Amber got both hocks injected today. The vet was pretty surprised that Dr. Ipock only injected one hock. I have almost no knowledge about injections, but I noticed that they were given at a completely different angle/area than Dr. Ipock did on that one hock. But the joints fluid was watery and almost not there. No wonder she was stiff and cranky.

She is on stall rest, and then tomorrow she gets turn out. In two days I will start walk/trotting her lightly. Then in about a week, I will call Dr. Wheeler back and let her know how things are going.

Right now, the plan is for her to go back up in a couple of weeks or so and have her chiro done at the same time she gets her stifles injected. From what I could tell, the stifle injections may be dependent on what the hock injections do.

But although it's hard to tell so early, the prognosis seems positive that Amber will be able to return to work as a low hunter and poke around the local shows. That would make me super happy.

Dr. Wheeler was impressed by Amber's good attitude. She was, as always, a gem. Very chill and well behaved. She said Amber was a great movement and conformation - can you say super proud?

At this point, I will pop out as much $$ as I need to do make her a sound, happy hunter/jumper again. She's worth it.

Amber is what she is because I believed in her. At times I lost faith. Twice now I've seriously considered selling her as a trail horse. It would be a tremendous waste. Riding other horses has made me realize what an "automatic" she's become - not only because I know how to ride her because she's mine, but because I trained her. 'm sure if I go back and read my first few blogs, I'd quickly see how much training I truly have put into her. Riding other horses has made me realize how easily she moves off my leg, and how sensitive she is to my seat. I barely ever have to use my hands. The way it should be. Her jumping must be natural talent, because SHE has taught ME to jump. But I do appreciate those lead changes...all I have to do is help her time her strides and let her do her thing.

She's still young and a little green, and I might think she's a little less green than she is simply because I know her so well. The way she tenses up and refuses to cooperate for others who have ridden her (I thought she was going to throw Bob into a fence that one day...) is a reminder that she isn't necessarily an easy ride just yet, but she's a mental ride and you have to think about things. Be subtle and don't fidget and try to adjust everything and she's golden. And whatever you do, don't take up contact immediately or you'll go for a ride. She got to the point where she can accept immediate contact from me (though I don't, because I know what she prefers) but it has neeeever worked out for anyone else.

Anyway. The plan for now is light work in a couple of days, chiro and stifles in a few weeks, and when her current joint supp runs out, she's going on Cosequin. Adequan is a possibility later depending on how her joint injections do.

Back to the topic of the barn feeder who has been irking me...multiple things in addition to her interfering with my vet appointments happened later.

She broke the hose I bought to water the pastures. Thanks. Go buy a new one. Now we have to haul the hose for the inside back and forth. She also left without filling the waters for two pastures, so those horses went without water all day. Isn't that special?

And last but not least, there is a strand of tape that is on the bottom of a gate. It's not hot, and we tie it up with bailing twine to keep one of the mini donkeys from walking under the fence. She likes to do that. She tied the stupid thing up there in a way that it could NOT be undone. So I'm standing here with two ponies in my hand, one that's about to lose it because of the tractor behind us, trying to let the wire down.

Let me tell you how much I appreciated her efforts today. And all the other days she has done similar BS.

Oh, I also took the time and trouble to label all the halters with names...only to have them mixed up on horses they didn't belong to today. I appreciated that bit too.

But I can't help but be cheerful because of the good outlook for maresie.

Vet on Monday.

Dr. Smith is coming to the barn tomorrow morning.

I'm hoping she'll just tell me that the specialist thought the best course of action would be hill work and some cavaletti, and throw some shoes on the back to stop the dragging until it stops.

Honestly, I'm not 100% sure of anything right now...and it's very frustrating. I'm the sort of person who likes to be totally organized and be totally certain of whatever plan of action that is going to be taken - especially with horses.

One of the hardest decisions in my life.

Nothing is 100% yet. But I gave Casey the okay to trade Amber for a potential new horse for me.

I have spent the past couple of days being brutally honest with myself. And it's come down to several points. The options themselves are simple - the hard part is which option to take. I could go through with all the exams and treatments, and sell her. I could go through with all the exams and treatments, and continue to ride her to the fullest extent she can be ridden soundly. I could sell her "as is" (which is not necessarily unsound, especially not for trail riding), skipping treatments and such, as a trail horse.

But I've realized the following:

-I want Amber to enjoy life as a show horse so badly that I often imagine her to be having a better time than she in fact is. Truth is, Amber is just a good, obedient horse that does what she's told.
-Amber is not nearly as attached to me as I am to her. Again - something I want so badly that I'm imagining things that aren't reality.
-Amber won't be able to take me very far in the hunter ring, period. And honestly, even if I decided to do dressage and CT one day, or perhaps if I became really brave, eventing, she just doesn't have the ability. That's just the reality of it, and there again - I'm imagining talent and ability where it isn't.
-Amber has the wonderful ability to be a master trail horse. Lead, follow, alone or in a group, she's just a great little trail horse.
-Amber has NEVER been 100% "sound" for the work she's in". Looking back, I bet the sticky stifles have always been the issue.
-When I bought her, and we can look back and see it in the old blog, I was nervous that her not-so-great conformation in the hind end would be our downfall, and I was right - it has.
-When I bought her, my intention was to do local, lower level dressage shows. My goals are different now and the things I aspire to do, Amber will not be capable of doing.


So I am now potentially trading her for this new horse that, while it's a project, is promising.

This is extremely hard for me. I was alone in the barn and had a pretty emotional moment crying on Amber's shoulder. I love her, and I've put in so much to make her into something she's not. It feels like failure - of myself and her. I'm making a point not to look on it like that. There were good times, bad times. But in the end, she has brought me closer to a fearless rider than I've ever been. Mind you, I'm NOT one, but I'm riding the best I've ever ridden, and doing more than I've ever done.

But, that is what it is. And I'm determined not to over-analyze it. I've put careful thought and reason into it. Reality of often not a pretty thing, and I won't say it's not painful, but in a sense I'm glad for it, because it feels better being true to myself and her. Sometimes being a dreamer isn't the best thing when you are trying to make a horse capable of more than it is and do things it shouldn't be doing and doesn't want to. I've come to a simple conclusion that her stifle issue may and most likely arose when she started jumping - for the first time in her life - a couple of months before I met her. And it's just been a bad combination of not understanding the issue/lack of work/more jumping. I have done the best I could with the knowledge and resources I have had.

On the positive end. The possible new horse is a gelding. Casey was saying something about thinking he's a small Warmblood...I think he's just a leggy QH, but he does look like a small Warmblood I must admit.

He's between 15.1 and 15.2hhs. He came with no name, and Victoria had picked Jack, but I've already had a Jack and it just doesn't feel right having another Jack. So I have, being hopeful, named him Benji. He's a chestnut, with a blaze that widens downward over his nose, and one tall white stocking on the hind.

I rode him around today, and he has noooo stamina right now. Definitely needs to meet a lunge line. Doesn't know how to jump - yet. He wasn't too happy today, and we discovered it was because he had a cut on the corner of his mouth. He also needs his teeth done. But he was a good boy to have such a bad mouth! I was surprised he didn't pitch much more of a fit than the bit of head shaking he did.

He's a little scared of blankets, but we worked on that and he doesn't act like an idiot about it. It's a bit of a tender subject, but he fits my cooler and show sheet. Needs his feet done BAD. Sooo much flare. Toes need to be backed up too.

A little ADD. Needs a little bit of work on manners. He circles at the mounting block like nobody's business. It's a project. A fixer-upper. But he's got a good head on his shoulders. There was a tractor across the road plowing up a dust storm and you'd expect him to be spooky, being in the new place and all that going on across the road, but he wasn't even terribly looky.

Right now, I'm just going to take it as it comes. I'm not banking on the trade off. If it doesn't happen, I'll be going through with deeper investigation of this stifle issue. For now, it's up in the air.

Everyone seems really happy for me and seems to think we'll be a good match. Casey does, most importantly, and I trust her judgement.